You can’t really understand fear until you feel it for yourself. I say this because I, myself, have experienced fear on countless occasions. Each occurrence left an unforgettable mark on my heart.
How I narrowly escaped a fatal accident
The most recent incident that comes to mind happened yesterday. I sought the services of an ‘okada man’ (commercial motorcyclist) at 37 bus stop in Accra, Ghana. As it’s often the case with these riders, I was not provided with a helmet for protection despite my appeal.
Regardless, I entrusted my safety to this okada man- who for his safety wore a helmet- believing he would transport me to my destination securely. After passing the 37 Military Hospital, I observed that ‘trotro’ cars were recklessly speeding around us.
Particularly, there was one sprinter driver who persistently tailgated us and nearly collided with us. At that moment, my heart felt as though it would leap from my chest.
We narrowly avoided a fatal incident. I came back home narrating the ordeal to my husband. I said, “The witches in my house nearly got me today. Ha!”- promising never to use okada as a way of transport again.
Another incident I remember vividly is when one fateful night- during the early months of my newborn’s life- my baby, Fiifi, was sleeping peacefully beside me. Suddenly, he began coughing intensely. The cough persisted for a long time, followed by a scream.
My Newborn choked on his vomit
I couldn’t figure out what was making him uncomfortable, and I felt helpless. I had no idea what was wrong, let alone how to comfort him. Every effort I made to calm him proved futile.
Fear enshrined my thoughts. There was a series of thoughts that worsened my fear as I watched my baby gasp for air. I wanted to rush him to the hospital right away because of the unknown. Yet, a part of me felt he was going to be okay.
I hopefully held onto that part as I managed to put him at ease for some time, and he was finally able to drift off to sleep. Early morning, I took him to the hospital where the doctor ran some tests. Thankfully, the results came back clear.
The doctor explained that it could have been acid reflux or perhaps some vomit lodged in the wrong place and the cough was simply helping him to clear his airway. Hearing the doctor say “You have a healthy baby” instantly relieved me of every fear I had harbored in my mind.
Trust me, there’s nothing so scary as watching your child go through pain and you can’t do anything to help him/her.
Fear and Anxiety during my pregnancy
Casting my mind back to when I was pregnant, I won’t forget how anxious I was about my health and the progress of my pregnancy after I had joyfully celebrated my pregnancy news.
I was worried the baby wasn’t getting enough nutrients since I couldn’t keep food down for long during my first trimester. The only food I could manage to eat a bit was Banku with pepper.
Any food other than the banku and pepper sauce such as tombrown, rice porridge, rice, soup, etc. caused me to vomit immediately. I couldn’t drink enough water, too.
I remember googling every slightest thing I felt to see if it could pose potential harm to my baby. If I felt stomach pain or any other pain I would ask Google how it affected my baby.
Whenever I wasn’t feeling well and visited the hospital for a check-up, the doctor would prescribe medicine safe for me to use, but I was always quick to ask if it was safe for the baby.
I was also always skeptical about taking medicines gotten from antenatal visits. The only medicine I didn’t hesitate to take was my vitamins; I always said that was good for the baby.
The constant fear and worry about my pregnancy journey robbed me of the joy of motherhood. I worried about the food I ate and my sleeping position.
I battled intrusive thoughts swirling through my mind like; “what if I have a car accident and lose the baby? What if there’s an umbilical cord disruption? What if I die during labor? What if the witches in my village terminate the pregnancy spiritually?”
I couldn’t even do a photoshoot because I didn’t want to have any memories of the pregnancy should something go wrong.
Confessions from other pregnant on Fear and Anxiety
I remember on one of my antenatal visits I met another pregnant woman who saw me drinking Fanta. She told me that drinking Fanta wasn’t good for my condition and that for her, to be on the safer side she stopped taking any soft drinks.
On my subsequent antenatal visits, I befriended this nice pregnant woman- Sharyl. Sharyl- not her real name- told me she was constantly anxious and afraid of losing her baby because she previously suffered an ectopic pregnancy followed by two miscarriages.
This was her 4th pregnancy and though she was seven months pregnant, she couldn’t get the fear of losing her baby out of her head.
Not forgetting one family member of mine who had a relatively smooth pregnancy throughout all three trimesters but she lost her baby during labor.
Hearing people’s experiences coupled with my experience really heightened my anxiety during my pregnancy. But here I am, today, with my healthy baby boy with me. If I were to get pregnant again, I can’t say that I wouldn’t be anxious again. What I can say for sure is that I will worry less.
Is fear and anxiety good for your baby?
Research findings reveal that experiencing heightened fear and anxiety in the early stage of pregnancy can lead to the loss of your unborn baby. Whereas experiencing fear in the second and third trimesters can lead to a decrease in birth weight.
How to recognize anxiety?
“Common symptoms of anxiety include: difficulty relaxing, butterflies in the stomach, shakiness, palpitations (heart beating quickly), difficulty breathing, feeling faint, tense muscles, excess sweating or blushing, needing to go to the toilet more often, panic attacks, worrying thoughts that seem out of proportion, feelings of fear, avoidance of situations that make you anxious.”
Some anxiety is good for the pregnancy
There is no way you wouldn’t worry about your pregnancy. You will. To some extent, experiencing fear can help you tread carefully throughout your pregnancy journey. It can prevent you from doing something that will harm your baby.
Things like smoking, drinking alcohol, doing high-impact exercises, too much caffeine, certain foods, and using some particular oils that are not safe during pregnancy can harm your unborn baby.
However, if your fear interferes with your daily activities to the extent that you can’t really do anything productive for yourself, then you should consider speaking to your healthcare provider.
In my case, I have found out that speaking to your partner, family, or trusted friends about your fear and anxiety can put you at ease. Also, talking with other pregnant women about how you feel can assure you that you’re not alone.
You know, pregnancy experiences can be weird sometimes but it all becomes a cherishable moment when you finally meet your little angel. What was the weirdest thing you experienced during your pregnancy that made you anxious? For me, it was seeing tiny clots of blood in my vomit. Sometimes, it was after vomiting the food.
Sources
Fife Clinical Psychology Department . (2010). Anxiety during Pregnancy (Antenatal Anxiety). https://www.moodcafe.co.uk/media/19453/AntenatalAnxiety.pdf
H. Ali, M., Seif, S. A., & M. Kibusi, S. (2022). The Influence of Fear During Pregnancy, Labour and Delivery on Birth Outcome Among Post-Delivery Women: A Case Control Study in Zanzibar. East African Health Research Journal, 6(2), 147–154. https://doi.org/10.24248/eahrj.v6i2.693
