I encourage you to eagerly do these things for the love of God (and your good). In my previous post about 4 lessons from Billie Connelly in Sex/Life about marriage, I spoke a bit about it. But here is an elaboration or extension of my thoughts. These are the things that, I believe, will prepare you for your next relationship.
Every relationship is tough in various ways but sometimes you can’t complain. Why? Because it’s better to break free from a highly toxic relationship than to deceive yourself that it’s going to get better someday. You might eventually lose your sanity if you keep up with that relationship.
When it comes to break-up, people experience it in different ways; some people are okay with it and can move on smoothly while others do not have the heart to deal with it.
They feel heartbroken, cry, eat ice cream, or travel to clear their minds. Others harm exes for tossing their hearts on the grown. In the worst-case scenario, some end up killing themselves. Yes, that’s how serious people can’t deal with pain or heartbreak.
I guess when you are looking from the spectator’s viewpoint, you will judge that person harshly for killing himself or herself. You would think the person is actually ‘stupid’ for doing that. But who knows what you would do if you were in their place, had their heart, and felt the pain they went through?
I mean, I’m thinking if there’s something to do in addition to suicide, you might do that and more. The point is, you can never understand someone fully unless you are in their place.
It’s understandable sometimes, you know? Because people invest a lot in their relationships. They invest their time, energy, and resources. Somebody can treat the relationship with so much care, love, and understanding. Some people even sacrifice themselves for their relationship- literally.
So, imagine how someone who treats the relationship like handling an egg would feel when the relationship is over. It would feel like the world is crushing over that individual., and it’s irrelevant to live.
That’s why it’s important to read my post about the things to know before you start dating.
The question is; After a breakup, what do you do? Whether you got hurt or not;
Here are four things you must do after a breakup
Don’t rush into another relationship. I repeat, don’t rush into another relationship. People often make the mistake to enter into another relationship right after breaking up because they feel it will help them get over the previous one or forget about their pain. The problem with this action is that the pain you are going through prevents you from seeing what the new person is doing wrong.
It let you accept every bad thing about the person. It feels like you’ve been bewitched; everything feels too good. And before you soon get over the pain and realize your mistake, you realize that you are going through another breakup. The sad part is, you will not learn your lesson, you will quickly enter into another relationship and the cycle will go on and on till you blame your family witches for cursing your relationship. Harsh right? But isn’t that the truth here?
Assess your just-ended relationship. This is something many people are guilty of. I believe people don’t do that because they feel the other person is responsible for the breakup. But! After a breakup, there is no need for any blame work! Even when it’s clear whose fault it was. Yeah! Don’t spend your energy doing that.
Invest that into yourself by assessing who you were in that relationship. What were the things you did right or wrong? How did you handle quarrels? How did you handle conversations? What contributions did you make in the person’s life?
What contributions did the person also make in your life? Think about the whole relationship; the things you need to amend, and the behavior you need not extend into your next relationship. Don’t favor yourself when you are doing this, because you’re not perfect.
Think about what you want in your next relationship. It is crucial to know what you want in your relationship else you will accept just anything. What are the things you had in your previous relationship and would still want that in the next relationship? What don’t you want a repetition of in the soon-to-be relationship?
Do you want more independence? Do you want your opinions valued? Do you want more attention or want to be treated like a king or queen? Just think about what will make you enjoy your relationship and make you happy or appreciative.
Make sure you are ready for the next relationship. Don’t just jump into the next relationship; make sure you are in the right place with yourself, you are emotionally stable and no more harboring the pain; you can make good judgment. Just make sure you have learned your lesson after assessing yourself and the previous relationship. Now, if you are entering into another relationship, you are doing so fully mature or mentally stable, and you are not just entering into ‘any’ relationship.
Breakup is not so easy to handle sometimes, but when it happens, make sure you handle it carefully by following the steps listed above. They are for your benefit. Understand that, even though you endure so much pain and regret after a breakup, suicide is not an option. You are worth more than that. Self-assessment is very important for everyone- not just for relationships. I had a friend who always felt pressured to date because all her other friends were in serious relationships. She ends one relationship and spurts into another without giving herself time. I can’t even count the number of people she’s dated. All those relationships were ephemeral. I’m not judging her. I’m simply talking about how it’s imperative to work on yourself before you commit to another person who might innocently fall prey to your unreadiness.
1 comment
NUAMAH FOSTER
Nice piece.
Bravo