I’m a movie lover, but I’m not the kind who watches movies on the surface. I submerge myself in it, decode the message the movie is trying to communicate, and pick up some lessons to my advantage, and this film is no different. When I watched the movie, I immediately spotted some marriage lessons from His & Hers.
Movie characters may be fictional, but the events that unfold aren’t always entirely fictional. They mirror our real world. This movie reflects the prevalence of troubled marriages in our modern world.
Tell me;
- What happened to for better or for worse?
- Are we normalising cheating in marriage now?
- What happens when ego speaks louder than love?
- What if communication breaks down before affection does?
All these questions and many more, I’ve tried to find answers to by watching the movie. These marriage lessons are practical and relatable. You might want to grab popcorn for this one.
About the Movie His & Hers (No Spoilers)
His & Hers is a movie about two estranged spouses — one a detective, the other a news reporter — who vie to solve a murder in which each believes the other is a prime suspect. It’s currently showing on Netflix.
It’s a movie based on a book by a British novelist and former journalist, Alice Feeney. I haven’t read the book yet, but based on the review I’ve read online, there are a few tweaks to the storyline. If I were to rate the movie His & Hers, I would give it 6/10.
And that’s just because it started well; the murder scene was well directed. I got disappointed when I realised there wasn’t as much thriller as I had anticipated. However, let’s delve into all that we can learn about marriage from this movie.
Ego Is the Silent Marriage Killer
In the movie His & Hers, ego doesn’t show up loudly; it shows up quietly. It appears in the need to always be right, in delayed apologies, and in moments where pride takes precedence over peace. Over time, the ego turns small misunderstandings into emotional distance.
Before Anna and Jack lost their child, Anna expressed her concern about leaving their daughter alone with her mother (Anna’s mom). But Jack dismissed her concern, saying that the baby was just fuzzy.
But they later lost their child. The doctor said that it was ‘crib dead.’ No one was to be blamed, but Anna felt responsible, like she could have done something about it. But her husband’s ego and need to be right all the time cost them their child. This was one of the reasons Anna disappeared for a year.
Marriage suffers not because love disappears, but because pride is allowed to speak louder than humility. When ego leads, connection weakens, but when humility steps in, love has room to breathe again.
Communication Is More Than Talking
In His & Hers, communication breaks down not because the couple stops talking, but because they stop understanding each other. Words are spoken, yet emotions are ignored. Assumptions replace honest conversations, and silence becomes safer than truth.
When Anna and Jack confronted each other, demanding answers for their actions, you can clearly see that it was the first time, after their daughter died, that they had an honest conversation about how they felt about the whole tragedy. You could clearly see and feel that they both felt unburdened after expressing how they felt to their partner and their partner understood it.
The movie reminds us that in marriage, communication is not about who speaks louder or more. It’s about who listens with empathy and responds with love.
Emotional Needs Don’t Disappear After the Wedding
In His & Hers, one quiet truth stands out: getting married doesn’t erase emotional needs. Love doesn’t become automatic just because vows were exchanged. When partners assume the other should “just know” what they need, disappointment slowly settles in.
The movie shows how unspoken expectations and unmet emotional needs can create distance, reminding us that love in marriage must be expressed intentionally, not assumed.
Conflict Isn’t the Problem—How You Handle It Is
Conflict itself isn’t what damages marriage; it’s how the conflict is handled. Disagreements are normal, but when anger replaces understanding and defensiveness replaces empathy, wounds deepen.
In His & Hers, Jack and Anna could have saved their marriage from a year full of pain and regret if they had handled their conflicts well, just like when they finally did in the end. Being open to listening and understanding where their partners are coming from, in terms of their concerns, emotions, and doubts.
The movie reminds us that unresolved conflict doesn’t disappear; it quietly piles up. Healthy marriages aren’t free of conflict—they’re built by couples who choose respect, honesty, and repair even in difficult moments.
Love Requires Humility, Not Control
Jack, a detective, needs to control everything around him, which makes his wife Anna feel suffocated, as she herself is a free bird.
In His & Hers, love is shown as a partnership, not a power struggle. When control takes the place of humility, affection slowly turns into tension. The need to dominate, decide alone, or always have the upper hand weakens trust and intimacy.
The movie quietly teaches that real love in marriage is not about control, but about choosing humility—being willing to yield, listen, and grow together rather than over each other.
Forgiveness Must Be Intentional
Forgiveness doesn’t happen by accident; it has to be a decision. Hurt feelings, when left unattended, quietly turn into resentment. The movie shows how holding on to past offenses creates emotional distance, even when love is still present.
Again, forgiveness in marriage is not about ignoring pain, but about intentionally releasing it, again and again, so healing and connection can take place.
We see Anna and Jack’s love rekindled after they truly forgave each other.
What I Didn’t Like About the Movie
What I disliked about the movie was how it normalised cheating. It was like cheating was okay, a norm, so far as it’s happening between and with people who are married. There was no accountability or remorse for the couples who cheated. The act itself wasn’t addressed, and there were certainly no repercussions for it.
But cheating destroys many good marriages. I leave the rest to you to comment on it.
Marriage Lessons from His & Hers is a Reminder
The movie reminds us that marriage is not sustained by grand gestures alone, but by daily choices—choosing humility over ego, understanding over assumptions, and forgiveness over resentment. Love grows where effort is intentional, and hearts remain open.
No marriage is perfect, but every marriage can grow when both partners are willing to learn, unlearn, and choose each other again.
If this movie stirred something in you, don’t ignore it. Reflect on the lessons, have an honest conversation with your partner, or watch it together and discuss what stood out to you. And if this post resonated with you, share your thoughts in the comments: your experience might be the encouragement someone else needs today.
