I’m someone who values making informed choices, especially in romantic relationships. My friends have played a vital role in guiding me through these decisions about relationship goals. They’ve taught me:
- The kinds of men I should avoid
- The qualities to look for in a relationship
- The intentional steps I should take before entering a new partnership
Thanks to this guidance, I had a clear vision of the relationship I wanted when I started dating my husband (before we got married). I knew what I desired for both of us.
Many relationships are short-lived because we either have unrealistic expectations or fail to set SMART goals for them.
Whether it’s finding a partner who shares your beliefs, aiming for marriage within a specific time frame, or consciously avoiding toxic behaviors, these are all relationship goals that can guide you toward a healthy future.
What Are Relationship Goals?
Before meeting my husband, I made a firm decision that any man I dated would be someone I could eventually marry. And that’s exactly what happened. That decision- my relationship goal- came true when the next gentleman who crossed my path became my husband.
Relationship goals are the desires and expectations you hold for your romantic life. These may include:
- Finding a God-fearing, selfless, or hardworking partner
- Starting a family in a few years
- Traveling together or sharing personal growth activities
You can think of them in terms of:
- Short-term goals: e.g., planning a romantic getaway in two weeks
- Long-term goals: e.g., getting married within two years or raising a family together in five to seven years
Just as we set goals for education, business, or ministry, we must also set clear goals for our relationships. Doing so:
- Keeps you focused
- Prevents you from settling for less
- Helps you build toward what truly matters to you
How to Set Relationship Goals in Life
Setting relationship goals may sound simple, but it requires deep introspection. You must be honest with yourself about what you truly want.
Here are steps to help you set clear and purposeful relationship goals:
1. Reflect on Your Life and Past Relationships
Take time to evaluate where you are in life. Consider:
- What you did right
- What mistakes you made
- What you appreciated or disliked in previous relationships
Ask yourself:
- What left me feeling fulfilled?
- What made me feel disappointed or drained?
From this reflection, begin identifying the kind of relationship you want next. Your past can provide valuable clues about what to seek and what to avoid going forward.
2. Learn from Trusted Couples
You can gain inspiration from couples you admire, whether your parents, friends, neighbors, or church members. Observe:
- How they communicate
- How they handle disagreements
- How they support each other in public and in private
- How they serve God together
- The small habits they share to keep their relationship strong
These examples can guide the values and habits you want to emulate in your own relationship goals.
Relationship Goals to Set Before Marriage
These are some personal goals I set for myself before marriage. You can adapt them or create your own based on your values and relationship vision.
1. The Relationship Should End in Marriage
I decided early on that I didn’t want trial-and-error relationships. I wasn’t dating just for fun or out of pressure.
Instead, I prepared myself—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—to be in a serious relationship. I knew what I wanted. I didn’t want to compromise or be confused about who I was with. My goal was clear: I wanted a relationship that would lead to marriage and reflect God’s purpose for me.
2. The Foundation Should Be Built on God
I can’t separate God from any area of my life—including relationships.
Before entering the relationship, I prayed:
“God, be the foundation of my relationship. Show me the right path, steer it in the direction you want. Help me so that this relationship can end in your glory.”
When God is your foundation, His word becomes your guide. It prepares and strengthens you and helps you navigate the ups and downs of love.
3. My Partner Must Know God Personally
I wasn’t just looking for someone who believed in the idea of God. No! I wanted someone with a deep, personal relationship with Him.
I remember telling my husband one day, “Do you know what attracted me to you?” He asked, “What?” And I said:
“It was your thirst for God that attracted you to me.”
That spiritual connection went beyond anything physical or emotional. If your partner loves God sincerely, the relationship will reflect that love in every area.
4. Be Willing to Learn and Adapt
This is vital. Every relationship, especially marriage, requires humility and flexibility.
You and your partner are coming from different homes, backgrounds, and values. There will be differences in opinion, approach, and habits. But that’s not a bad thing.
An older friend once told me:
“Marriage is about two different people coming together and compromising.”
Every challenge is an opportunity to grow, to understand your partner better, and to work together toward a shared solution.
Final Thoughts: Let Your Goals Reflect Your Faith and Values
Setting relationship goals isn’t just about getting married quickly or having the “perfect” partner. It’s about preparing your heart, aligning your values, and allowing God to guide your steps.
Whether you adopt the goals I’ve shared or shape your own, let them be:
- Rooted in who you are
- Aligned with God’s word
- Realistic, purposeful, and clear
Above all, have faith. Let God lead—and your relationship will flourish in ways you never imagined.
Everything You Need to Know About Setting Relationship Goals Before Marriage
Relationship goals are the expectations or desires you have for your relationships. It could be wanting a God-fearing, hardworking partner, planning to get married in two years, or even building a family in the long term. Just like life goals, they give your relationship direction and help you avoid settling for less.
Setting relationship goals helps you define what you want and makes sure you’re not just entering relationships for fun, out of pressure, or confusion. It gives you clarity, helps you make informed choices, and prepares you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for the kind of relationship you truly desire.
Start by reflecting on your past experiences — what worked and what didn’t. Think about the kind of person you want to be with and the type of relationship you desire. You can also learn from couples you admire: how they treat each other, how they handle disagreements, how they serve God together. All of this can help you set realistic and meaningful goals.
Yes! In fact, that’s one of the most important parts if you’re someone who values your faith. I personally committed my relationship to God before it even started. I said, “Lord, lead me and lead my future husband.” When God is your foundation, His word becomes your guide, and it becomes harder for your relationship to fall apart.
Not at all. I personally made that decision before I met my husband. It wasn’t out of desperation to get married. It was about being intentional and ready for the right kind of relationship. Wanting a relationship that ends in marriage is a valid and purposeful goal, as long as it’s rooted in readiness and wisdom.
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