Why do you think some men abuse women?
This article is motivated by the stories I’ve heard in the past few days, through an interaction with some ‘friendly strangers’ at a restaurant. I call these people ‘friendly strangers’ because I don’t know them personally, and my friends invited them to join our dinner. So, basically, they are my friends’ friends.
During our dinner conversations, the light quickly hit on one girl who began talking about her abusive boyfriend. The details of her story are very unpleasant to the ears, but that is a story for another time.
This article is also partly motivated by the abusive relationship stories recurrent in the news, lately.
A policeman shot his girlfriend to death, multiple times because she refused to give him five thousand Ghana cedis that she owed.
A man (husband) butchered his wife with a machete for unknown reasons.
A 28-year-old man butchered his girlfriend and son because the woman “disrespected” him severally. His son witnessed the murder; so, he killed the boy to prevent any chance of the child testifying against him.
The stories keep getting worse and worse, over time. It’s like, there’s this murderous demon released from the pit of hell, possessing weaker men, and pushing them to commit murder without taking a second to think about it.
All of these men who kill their partners feel their reasons are justifiable enough to warrant such actions from them. You take your time to listen to these ‘justifiable reasons’ they give and you realize they’re just insignificant excuses.
How can you inflict machete wounds on your wife because she received a call from her male friend?
When feminists hear these stories, they go ‘gaga’ on all men. I mean, you don’t have to be a feminist to be appalled by violence or abusive stories, but I have every reason to believe that some men are good, kind-hearted, and respect women. My father, for instance, never raised his hands or voice on my sister and me- not even my mom; he is a good man and will always protect me against the world no matter how old he gets.
My husband is also a kind and understanding man, he has an attractively unique control over his emotions, respects women, and holds me in high esteem. I have male friends who are always surrounded by women- they ‘love’ women.
One male friend of mine, in particular, has dedicated himself to grooming young girls to become great public speakers as well as master their individual talents.
It’s just amazing that though there’re great men all around us, who will protect women with their lives, one domestic violence story can make you hate every man in this world. It can make you presume that, maybe, the world would be a better place without men. But, is it only men who commit violence against their partners? I guess it’s another topic to discuss sometime, later.
To better understand what some men also think about men who abuse women, I asked 5 men’s opinions and this is what they had to say;
Mike: “I think that the men who do that have been conditioned, through their upbringing, to see women as subjects who are mainly there to do everything they wish, and also need to be ruled by fear, otherwise, they may see the man as weak. Others, too, it’s just a lack of self-control, and they have anger management issues; especially those who abuse alcohol.”
Mike’s reply led me to ask a follow-up question: Do you think those conditions are experienced from the fathers’ or mothers’ side?
Mike: “I think it’s mostly how the fathers treat their wives.”
The conditions that Mike is talking about are quite evident in our social environment. Some men treat women as mere objects of baby carriers, servants, sexual objects, etc. Most boys grow up to be as toxic as their fathers because all they have seen, growing up, is their fathers using their mothers as punching bags, ranting insults at them, and valuing their existence as maids and nannies. Those are the only forms of expressing love to their wives. The young boys copy that and carry the same behavior in their relationships.
Andy: “My opinion is that because they have no respect for themselves, they don’t respect and appreciate women.”
Well, there’s a truth in there; men who abuse women don’t respect themselves enough to appreciate that women are equal contributors to their existence. Without their eggs, wombs, and bodies they wouldn’t exist.
Ben: “Some are by nature and temperament; how they respond to some reactions. Some ladies also feel to be beaten so they do something to make you angry- you also react by beating them in other for them to be okay.”
As ridiculous as the idea (some women ‘enjoy’ being beaten) sounds, I’ve heard several stories like that; if a man beats you, it means he loves you. I don’t know how true this story is, but my mom once told me that she knew a young married lady who left the matrimonial home to stay with her mother, all because her husband never laid a hand on her ever since they got married. She claimed that her husband did not love her since he never beat her. The lady, as a child, witnessed her father mercilessly beat her mother as a way of expressing love. Since her husband couldn’t express such ‘love’ then he didn’t really love her.
Ike: “Any man who abuses a lady physically is heartless. We know women can sometimes worry but it’s not a reason good enough to abuse her physically. Some other reasons include: when a man is fed up with a woman, when a man gets another woman, when a lady does not respect him, and when the lady doesn’t obey the directives of a man.”
Is a relationship all about obeying a man’s “directives”? Is disobeying a man’s “directives” a good reason enough to insult, threaten, punch, stab, kick, strangle, or murder your wife or girlfriend?
Joseph: “Some men want respect. So, when he’s not getting that respect or when you wrong him, that’s when he loses control. But as for me, when I’m angry I will just walk off. But, somebody cannot walk off until he has acted upon his emotions. So, from my perspective that’s the cause of abuse from some men. However, it’s not just the man alone who abuses, but some women also abuse men. I had a girl who slapped me because she was angry and I broke up with her because of that. So, if you don’t want a man to beat you, why should you also raise your hand on the man?”
Well, there’s no doubt that some women abuse men physically and emotionally- I have heard my neighbour insult her husband countless times, and it’s hard to listen to it, sometimes- but now, the death count is too much on men killing their spouses.
Please! Let us all not condone abuse, in any form, from both genders or sexes.
