The other day, I was working on a blog post on my laptop. I was comfortably relaxed on my two-seater sofa (soft grey) with my left leg stretched on a study chair right in front of me. The other leg was caressing the arm of the sofa. While reaching out for the hot cup of tea on the center table, I heard an interesting conversation going on at the back of my house. My curiosity pushed me out of the sofa. I nearly spilled the hot tea on my hand.
This woman loves gossip, you think? Usually, I ignore any conversation that goes on at the back of my house, especially when people are just passing by, but this one in particular intrigued me.
So, I got up, walked to the window, and rolled the curtain gently to the other side; not so wide, just so I could see those talking (Not like they could see me through the window, too). I peeped through the window and saw three teenage girls at the back of my house excitingly talking about sex. Looking at their physique, they could be between 12 to 14 years old. The words that came out of their mouths could rarely escape through a decent adult’s mouth. I’m 100% sure I wouldn’t talk about sex so raw. I marveled at the experiences of these young girls on the topic of sex. It wasn’t a surprise that they were talking about sex. It was about the things they said concerning sex. They prattled about their favorite sex positions, how they could make a man go crazy in bed, and other stuff I don’t want to mention here. You could think the worst.
After a few minutes, they carried their conversation somewhere else. I couldn’t hear anything they were saying again. I went and fell back on the sofa. So many thoughts were floating in my head. I didn’t know what to feel for these young girls initially; should I be sad, worried, or indifferent? I felt that this knowledge they had about sex should be available to them at a certain age. Maybe at age 20, or? But, they didn’t just know, they had hands-on experience.
I feared for them. What if they contract STDs? What if they got pregnant? What would happen to their lives? And their future?
It seemed they naively didn’t care about all the possible outcomes that could negatively impact their lives.
I wondered how they got exposed so early to sex. I shouldn’t be so surprised about the ‘how’ (friends, social media, movies, etc. all expose them to sex). I probably should be sad about how their lives could move in an unwanted direction.
Then I began recollecting the first time I was introduced to the topic ‘sex.’ I think I was probably in primary six or JHS one or two. Hmmm, I think it was JHS two. My science teacher was teaching the reproductive system. Yes! That was the first time I was introduced to the topic. But, I already knew what constituted sex- the act itself- way before the introduction to the topic.
At age nine I was already watching movies that contained sex scenes. My elder sister and I shared one room and we had television in our room. My sister went to senior high school(boarding) earlier than I did so I had the room and TV all by myself most of the time.
When I first saw a sex scene, I remember not knowing what to think or feel. I just stared at the screen looking at the act. While watching, I heard my mom opening the door so I quickly changed the channel. Somehow, I knew that my mom wouldn’t be pleased with what I was watching even though it was new to me. The fact that grown-ups were doing it struck my conscience immediately that ‘this is for grown-ups, mom is coming and I shouldn’t be watching it.’
There were times that I didn’t change channels when those scenes came up while watching a movie. I just watched them alongside the rest of the scenes. I loved watching movies, and I still do. More so that I felt blinking my eyes could let me miss some vital scenes or actions.
The good news is, I never felt like trying all that I saw in the movies. My mom didn’t have sex talk with me earlier, and my dad never did, but I never was interested in trying it out.
The first time my mom spoke so plainly about sex was when I was in senior high school- SHS 2. I might have been 16 0r 17 years old. I got home on vacation, and I had a call from a male friend of mine. When my mom heard me talking on the phone, she came to ask me; “who are you talking to on the phone?” “A friend,” I responded.
She asked me, “Male or female?” I said “Male.” Then she said, “A woman cannot be friends with a guy.” I asked her why it was so, but she insisted that it was the best thing- for my good. Then she asked me to end the call and help her in the kitchen.
The second time, she heard me making a call, and she suspected it was a boy so she came close to me and said if I got pregnant she would remove the skin at the back of my palm for me to chew it up. She snatched the phone from my ear to find out who I was talking to. It was just one of my girlfriends. Satisfied, she threw the phone into my palm and left. I just stood there laughing. I had a great relationship with my mom. I knew she wasn’t capable of carrying out all the threats she threw at me. It was her way of protecting me from engaging in something I wasn’t ready to bear the consequences of.
My mom is a Christian. She loves God, and right from childhood, she has been doing her best to raise my sister and me in Christ. Coupled with her threats, she prayed for us very much.
I once told her, after SHS, that it wasn’t her threats that kept me from doing bad stuff. It wasn’t something I’d wanted to do, anyway. She just stood in front of me, amazed at what I said.
Thinking about it now, her prayers did more than her words could do. My mom and I have never sat down to talk about what goes into sex (the act). Never!
I think she only got the courage to say some things about sex with me when I got married. I think that’s when her conscience felt free enough to say some things.
I believe that my mom’s advice on sex wasn’t enough for me to comprehend everything about it. I found out most things on my own. But I believe she did the only thing she saw fit.
At the age of 14, I didn’t even care about boys, but here I was listening to 14-year-olds talk about their favorite sex positions and all that. You would think that their parents didn’t do their best to prevent them from getting exposed to sex so early, but sometimes it’s not the parent’s fault. You can do all you can in the house but you can’t control what your children hear outside, the friends they make, the movies they watch, or their nature. All you can do is learn ways to be a good parent, strive to impact your children’s lives positively and pray that God takes control over the things you can’t control.
Look at me, I turn out to be a good girl! I think (hahaha).
I’m leaving you with a thought. Teach your children about GOD, show them how to pray, and develop a personal relationship with them. I think your child should know what you want them to know about sex than hearing it from someone else, and then hearing it completely differently.
I’ve read some funny stuff people shared online concerning the advice they received from their parents on sex. One person said the closest she came to talking about sex with her mom was when her mom walked on her and her boyfriend while they were having sex. Her mom closed the door and they never talked about the awkward situation.
What about you? Share with me.
Featured image: Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash
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