I thought I understood love until I became a wife. The word love may sound simple, but the requirement sure isn’t. The things I’ve learned about love after marriage are not lightweight.
Before marriage, love felt like there was sugar in my heart, so sweet. It was handwritten notes, long phone calls, and sweet prayers. But marriage has been the mirror that reveals what love is. The kind that doesn’t always feel glamorous, yet it’s deeply beautiful because it’s rooted in God, not just feelings.
Loving someone, particularly your spouse, is intentional and takes hard work.
To every woman or wife looking to understand what it truly means to love, here are a few heartfelt lessons I’ve learned about love since becoming a wife.
1. Love Isn’t Just a Feeling; It’s a Choice
Feelings don’t last forever. They change based on the circumstances you find yourself in. One minute you’re loving your husband so dearly, and the next minute you feel like ‘killing’ him. Not literally, but you get the point.
Love doesn’t mean conflict is absent. It’s about what you choose to do during that conflict.
Some mornings, love is laughter and sunshine. Other days, it’s choosing to stay silent when you want to be right. I’ve learned that real love shows up even when emotions are low. It’s about choosing to forgive, to pray, to try again.
2. Communication Isn’t Just About Talking; It’s About Understanding
I used to think talking often meant we were communicating well. But marriage has shown me the difference between speaking and being heard. Sometimes, love looks like listening without interrupting. Slowing down to understand what’s beneath the words.
Sometimes your spouse just wants to be heard. No solutions are needed, no interruptions, and no judgment. He needs someone to understand how he feels and empathize with him.
3. Love is Serving Without Keeping Score
This part of love is overwhelming, and many wives don’t want to hear this, but it’s the truth. I’ve learned that love doesn’t say, “I cooked, so you should clean.” It simply gives.
“I’ve always been cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the family. Why don’t you do your part? Yesterday I washed the dishes. I’m not doing it today, you do it!”
Christ-like love serves without keeping records. It’s okay to ask for help when you need it. However, there’s a difference between keeping scores and asking for help. Love is a service, too.
It’s in the small acts like folding laundry, praying over him when he’s asleep, or holding his hand after a hard day.
4. God Must Always Be at the Center
God’s love for humanity is a perfect demonstration of what love truly means. Without God, love can start to feel like a transaction. A fifty-fifty responsibility. You do this, I do it too.
But when He is at the center, love becomes a ministry. Praying together has softened many hard moments in our home. I’ve seen firsthand how inviting God in changes how we love each other.
5. Grace is More Important Than Perfection
There’s no such thing as a perfect wife or a perfect husband or even a perfect marriage. There is a standard for how a good marriage should be, but there’s no perfect marriage.
I’ve had to unlearn unrealistic expectations and embrace grace. Grace for myself. Grace for him. Because love grows best in a home where grace lives.
6. Love Grows When You Nurture It
Marriage isn’t a one-time “I do.” It takes work. You need to understand that it’s a daily decision to keep learning from each other, pursuing each other, and building together.
Whether it’s date nights or intentional check-ins, I’ve learned that love needs time and intentionality to flourish.
The intentionality should come from both sides to make it work.
Love is a Journey, Not a Destination
I’m still learning. And that’s the beauty of love. It’s not something you master, it’s something you grow in. Becoming a wife hasn’t made me perfect, but it’s made me more patient, more prayerful, and more rooted in Christ.
Nobody tells you that being a wife is a difficult responsibility to carry out. All they tell you is how best you can serve your husband. But they never emphasize how much you need to work on yourself to be the Godly wife you can be.
To every wife (or future wife) reading this: love God, love deeply, and give grace, over and over again.
Love in marriage is beautiful and worth all the work.
What have you learned so far about love? Share with me in the comments, and please share this post with someone who needs it.
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