Realest Talks

Single life sucks? I don’t think so. Do you know why? Stay with me for a few minutes and I’ll explain why.

Some friends tell me it’s easier to say anything I want about singleness because I’m not a single lady.

Yes, I married early but I was once single, too.

My Regrets about my Single life

They say experience is the best teacher- right? But will you agree with me that someone may be as old as 50 years and may not have experienced the hardships of life as much as a young person has endured at the age of 19?

What I’m trying to say is, whether I married early or didn’t stay single for long, I was once a single woman and I know how it feels to be one. Being married has opened my eyes to the things I missed out on as a single woman.

It’s not that I lived my single life carelessly with no ambition, but I’ve just realized that there’s more I could have happily done before getting married. More activities that do not even have any bearing on my marriage. Something just for myself, you know?

Mind you, I’m not talking about the things I wish I had done before marriage which I cannot do now that I’m married.

Like someone will say: “I wish I had explored with more sexual partners” “I wish I had gone on adventures before becoming a wife and mother” or “Oh my husband took advantage of my naivety when we were dating.”

Nope! I’m talking about living the ideal or purposeful single life before saying ‘I do’. And even if you never say ‘I do,’ you won’t think you wasted your life because you were never a wife.

The joke is on me

I just remembered that I served a house mistress in my secondary school who was, at the time, 45 (I think) and unmarried. The girls who served alongside me and I questioned why she wasn’t married.

We came up with our theories on why she wasn’t married. On top of it, we learned that she was a virgin, too. It was difficult for us to understand. Old, unmarried, and a virgin.

Most of us thought she looked sad and lonely. But she mostly spoke about how happy and fulfilled she was. Our naive minds thought there was something wrong with her.

With what I know now, I say the joke is on us. Now we know life is not all about being married.

So if you’re reading this post, whether you’ve never dated before, you just had a bad breakup, or you’re unmarried, divorced, or widowed- providing you’re single- do make the most out of this conversation.

What’s life with purpose?

The dictionary defines purpose as the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. Deducing from this explanation, as long as you live and you are created by God, you exist for a reason. It’s up to you to figure out your purpose.

But, As Dr. Myles Munroe clearly states in his books: Understanding the Purpose and Power of Woman and Understanding the Purpose and Power of Man- “when purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable.”

When you don’t know your purpose as a person, as a woman, you will end up mismanaging your life. You will end up abusing your essence and allowing others to abuse you because you do not know who you are.

Knowing your purpose transcends knowing your career path, making money, getting married, giving birth, or being content with what you have. You can have all these things and still not live a purposeful life. It will be like like counting your days till you die.

No matter what you have or achieved in life, if you are not living THE PURPOSEFUL LIFE, everything will be meaningless.

So, how do you identify your purpose?

God!

God is the source of life. He created you so he knows the reason for your existence. He knows why he brought you on earth and the life he has intended for you to live. Life outside God is purposeless. It’s empty and irrelevant even if it seems to be.

So if you want to know your purpose, go to your creator. The one who made you. He knows why he created you the way you are.

He knows what your responsibilities are in the position he’s placed you in as a single woman, wife, and mother. In God, you will find your true purpose, identity, essence, mission in all aspects of your life.

A life with purpose is driven by certainty, a known identity. You know who you are and understand the worth of your life. Most importantly, you know how your life contributes to the progress of your society, your environment, and the people around you. You live your life carefully according to your purpose.

If you want to know your purpose and live a purposeful life as a woman, draw near to God. Connect with God through his word and prayers. Speak to him and ask him to show you ‘you‘ in him.

Let his word steer your life because in his words you will find the purpose of your life. Living a single life will not be a burden for you.

Here are five ways to live a purposeful life as a single life.

• Understand that being single is a life. Many women think it’s a must to be in a relationship to have a life. What they fail to understand is that being single is also a life. You have a duty to yourself. You have the opportunity to get to know yourself better. Understand your strengths and your weaknesses. Build on your strengths and work on your weaknesses.

• Live. Please get out of your bubble and live a little. I used to think that being indoors was the best way of living. I thought life and fun were just about going to clubs, pool parties, drinking alcohol, etc. And I thought these were not the kind of fun God wanted for me (and it’s not) so without them I should stay home.

But trust me, there are ways you can go out and have fun the Christian way. You can go to church events, go to the cinema or recreational centers, join mentorship programs, take advantage of workshops, volunteer at an orphanage, take a master class, or pursue a skill.

You can do these activities alone or with friends. Sometimes just board a taxi or an Uber and roam town while listening to music. You don’t have to get out of the car if you don’t want to.

Just be in the taxi and observe everything you see outside the window and you will get a different perspective on life in an observatory way. I do that sometimes. it inspires me.

• Serve. Find ways you can be helpful to people aside from your 9 am to 5 pm job. You can use that as your ministry. You can train others on a skill you’ve developed, babysit for couples who need help, volunteer at church or anywhere you think you can offer your talent, preach the gospel, organize Christian events, or start an NGO. Find ways you can impact other lives and your society.

• Make good friends and let go of bad friends. The union of two or more people can make a difference. Friends can make and unmake you. It’s good to have friends you can rely on. This way, you can work together to attain your goals.

Good friends can help you work on your weaknesses and also help you build on your strengths. They can draw you closer to God and strengthen your faith. This is a time in your life when you can pay attention to the personality of people around you and see how they affect your purpose in life.

Let go of friends who drive you away from your purpose, who drag you into evil, and reveal the worst part of you.

• Learn about your next life. You can use this single stage to learn more about the God-ordained institution of marriage. Learn the purpose of a wife, mother, and family. Learn how to prepare yourself for that stage of life. Read Christian books about dating, marriage, motherhood, family, and raising children.

Remember that you can live this single, fulfilled, and purposeful life if you stay connected to God and allow him to show you, through his word and by the guidance of his Holy Spirit, the areas he has purposed you to be and influence.