What is that one ‘thing’ that has kept your relationship/marriage going? What sacrifices have you made to sustain your relationship/marriage? Can I help you guess? Is it friendship, work, privacy, money, favorite food, education, beliefs, religion, or family?
As for me, the one thing that has kept my relationship going is; enjoying every moment I have with my husband. Let me elaborate more on this ‘enjoyment’ I’m talking about. I believe that every time I live, each day is precious. And the best way to live this precious time/life is to spend it meaningfully with the man I love and bound by vows, promises, duty, and commitment.
I could spend the weekend- the time he’s mostly free and I have his full presence- arguing with him on some silly issues which will probably end us not properly talking to each other for about 30 minutes or I could just shove down my emotions, forgive every little mistake, and laugh at his funny jokes, watch the action or horror movies together, play our self-made games, go out and buy KFC and drive to our favorite spot at Aburi and enjoy the chicken whilst enjoying the view (Will introduce you to our spot next time).
I could be very happy spending every time meaningfully or be angry and miserable, and allow my hurt feelings to boil deep down in me. Before I thought of writing this article, I was like: let me ask those who are way ahead of me in terms of knowledge and the number of years being married. So, I asked my cousin, my sister-in-law, and my elder sister.
My elder sister shared a more comprehensive thought on this, so I decided to share everything that she, my cousin, and my sister-in-law had to say on this topic.
My cousin: “We’ve made it a point that divorce is out of our mouths and conversations. We always try to solve our problems no matter the problem. Communication is key, my husband doesn’t like talking much. He likes to be by himself most of the time. But we try to spend time together and talk when he’s done being him.”
Sister-in-law: “First of all, it took me a while to realize that we were all raised differently with different families, beliefs, and routines. So, I had to understand my husband when he does some things differently. We talk about it and come to a common agreement. Communication is the key. Transparency, honesty, and humour help.”
This is what my elder sister also had to share:
1. Communication: Communication is fundamental in any relationship. Being open, honest, and transparent with your partner is vital. You have to listen and try to understand your partner’s perspective and feelings and express yours calmly and respectfully. Good communication helps establish a mutual understanding.
2. Trust: Trust is the foundation of a healthy marriage. But trust is also a difficult thing to do; especially when you’ve had partners break your trust severally in your past relationships. Still, trust is very important in a marriage/relationship, and you will have to learn how to trust. Trust your partner and be trustworthy yourself. Avoid keeping secrets or lying as it damages trust.
3. Respect: Respect is reciprocal- I repeat, respect is reciprocal! You need to respect your husband/wife’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Treat your partner well, speak kindly, and show unconditional affection regularly. Respect him/her even when you disagree with his/her thoughts or action.
4. Compromise: Every relationship requires some give and take. Be willing to compromise and find common ground to resolve any conflicts. You’re both brought up from different households. Don’t expect your partner to be automatically familiar with your way of life and quickly adopt your standards. If he/she squeezes the toothpaste in a way you don’t want, you don’t have to create a quarrel because of that. Talk him/her through what you want and don’t want but don’t expect a change instantly. It takes time to break a habit.
5. Support: Support your partner’s dreams and goals. It feels good to have someone support and believe in you. It makes you feel like you’re not alone in this world. That’s why you to encourage and uplift each other, especially during difficult times.
6. Quality time: Spend quality time together, whether it’s going out for a date night or simply enjoying each other’s company at home. Make time for each other amid busy schedules. Spend time to talk about life, play games, watch movies, go for vacation, do fun stuff both of you love to do together.
7. Intimacy: Physical intimacy is crucial to a happy marriage. It is essential to maintain a healthy and active sex life.
8. Forgiveness: Learn to forgive each other easily. Holding onto grudges or past hurts can be harmful to the relationship.
9. Always work on the relationship: Marriage requires effort, so try to love and support your partner every day.
10. Seek help when needed: If you find that you are struggling in your marriage, seek help from a therapist or counselor. It is better to work on improving the marriage than to let it deteriorate.
In the process of writing this article, I paused in the middle of the content and went out to get some stuff. So, I ordered a bolt ride on my way back home. In the car, there was a conversation on the radio about people’s broken heart experiences; it was basically about people sharing their ‘broken heart’ stories, and the hosts were going to rank the story that tops the rest of the stories heard. It sounded silly to me, but I couldn’t ask the driver to change the channel. The driver seemed to be enjoying the program and I, on the other hand, didn’t have a choice but to listen.
An interesting story came up- a couple have been dating for 14 years, and the man promised to marry the woman but ended up marrying someone else- that led to the bolt driver conversing with me and telling me the problems he was facing in his marriage. He said he and his wife dated for a year before he got married to her. The newly wedded wife disrespected him so many times and disregarded his opinions.
The lady has many passwords on her phone that you will have to crack before getting access to some things on the phone- things like photos, WhatsApp messages, and text messages. The man, on the other hand, does not have a password on his phone. He said he felt that his wife didn’t need so many passwords on her phone since he doesn’t have any password on his phone. He also complained about the fact that his wife could go out and party with friends without telling him- she always reported home late. Now, the wife has packed all her stuff to her parent’s house that she’s not interested in marrying again and that she wants a divorce. The bolt driver is also saying he borrowed a lot of money to perform the marriage ceremony so he’s not ready to divorce his wife.
He saw that I had ring on my finger so he begun advising me that my husband and I should respect each other and be transparent in everything we do. He added that communication is always the key and every thing should be communicated clearly between us.
I’m sharing this story because there are two things running through all the advice shared. They are: Transparency, and Communication. No relationship will survive without communication, and transparency.
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